My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
