You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
