Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I love black thongs
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
