She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
