I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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