i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
