I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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