so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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