i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
