My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
