And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
