"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
