of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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