My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
