just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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