Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
