Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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