Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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