Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
