dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
