I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
