yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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