u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
