I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
