I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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