Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
