Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
