My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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