i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I licked your asshole in confidence.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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