i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
