Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
