if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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