If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
