We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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