He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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