I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
