YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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