my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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