I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
