they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
