I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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