Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
