why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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