It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
