I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
