So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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