Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
