pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
