All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
