is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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