Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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