I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
