your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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