oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
