you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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