So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
