he thought i was a dude.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This is my gift to your gina
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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