Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
