In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
