I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
