OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
