I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
