I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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