You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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