o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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