Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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