I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
