Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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