Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
