who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
