Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
