Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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