The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
