Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
