Whatcha textin bout Willis?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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