So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
