4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
