you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
