I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
