Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
