I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize